Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Letter to Tanner

Dear Tanner,

Well, here we are in California to get your little heart fixed so you can grow up to be a big boy. The doctors just came and took you away from me to do this surgery. I have been with you this entire time, and am still with you when you are away from me in their good and talented hands. Daddy is going to be here tomorrow! Daddy had to stay home and work so we can have a home to go home to once this is all over.
I am so scared right now, I don't know what to do other than write you this letter of how much you already mean to me and that I love you.
I know I've only known you for a week now, but I have been waiting for you for so long. I could not imagine my life without you already. You are such an angel baby, and I finally have something that is MINE. Related to me by blood. My biological family. I have never had this before.

Don't get me wrong though, my family is the bestest family that you could ever ask for, and I am so happy and proud that I am adopted, and was adopted by MY family. It is just a whole different ball of wax to have someone that actually resembles me and has come from me.

Dr. Starnes (your surgeon), seems like a very good man. He came and talked to me before they took you away, when I had been told that he wouldn't be. It was so nice of him to come and talk to me, even if it was for just a couple minutes. He said that he is 80% sure that he will be able to do the surgery that we are all hoping for, and that your aortic arch is large enough to be able to repair. And only 20% that he may have to do the other surgery that we do not want. But of course, he will not know until he can actually see everything.

I can't write very much more right now before I have a complete break down. But just know that both Daddy and Mommy love you so so so sooo much. We are waiting for you to come back to us. Please be a good boy to the nice doctors that are going to fix you so you can stay with Daddy and me.
There are so many people thinking and praying for you and our little family right now, it is so amazing what our wonderful families and the internet can do! Lots of people care about you that haven't even met you or me. Please be ok and come back to me.

And make sure they are fast! I don't know how long I can wait! (but not too fast to not do the best job that they can)



  1. Hang in there! You're not waiting alone. Just keep breathing.

  2. You are a wonderful mommy, and Tanner is lucky to have you.

  3. We are praying for little Tanner.

  4. Ali this is truly sweet. It's amazing how fast you love your own little one. Like so many others we are praying for you and thinking of you often. What a tough lot to draw your first week as a new mama. Hang in there.
    Maggie Fox

  5. I'm praying for you, and following along your journey. Also, I'm proud of you for not ripping off those blue gloves and throwing them at a nurse. . . that's the first thing I think I would have done! You will have your little boy back in your arms soon. He is blessed to have such a loving and wonderful mama!
    -Marianne Jackson

  6. Isn't it amazing how much you can love another human being? Even after knowing them such a short time. I am amazed by your faith and love. Keep it up, you'll be home soon.